Why I love my job

I like my job.

I am not quite sure why I feel like posting about this particular subject today, but it's true.

Maybe it's because even though today was chaotic and kind of crazy and we were understaffed, I still had a good day. 

I am one of those people who believes that you 'make your own happiness' so to speak, but I won't lie - the moods and attitudes of those around you can affect your mood as well. Or at least they can for mine.

Everyone I work with is upbeat, positive, and friendly. We laugh a lot; we talk a little too loudly; and generally, we just have a good time. I can honestly say that I enjoy the company of those I work with. We don't have any internal spats or drama - my boss is awesome - and the number of friendly and fun patients we see outweighs the number of grumpy/bitchy ones by far. 

For instance, a "regular" (referring to patients we see most often) came in today and we shared a simple conversation on food and how strongly you can smell the fast food restaurant next door whilst in our building. He is an older gentleman and has one of the most gentle and sweet natures I've ever seen. Maybe, to some, the conversations like those that I share with him, would seem normal and even mundane. But for me, they are special. Talking to someone who has a positive outlook on life and such a gentle, happy demeanor, makes all the difference in the world. We share in an interest in diners that cook "old fashioned" meals and it was truly such a pleasure to talk to him. I know it may sound silly, but, reflecting on something simple like that, brings a smile to my face all over again. I want him, and the others who are always so friendly and enjoy conversing with me and the rest of the staff, to know how much we value them. 

I am glad that, looking back on my day, I can reflect on moments like that rather than a moment where a patient got grumpy with me over a bill or fussed about having to wait. 

I'm also at a point where I feel confident in my work and am proud of all the knowledge I have gained since starting there. 

So I sit here, eating saltines, watching my sweet and silly Daddy play video games, the fur-babies all gathered around our respective chairs (now I have 3 following me around! Yay for foster doggies!) and I feel content and so very happy. I am a lucky girl. 

Natalie

This gorgeous little girl is Natalie, our current foster dog.

Natalie is a terrier mix who is estimated to be around one year old and had been in a local shelter the last several days. She truly seems like a great dog. Other than a little tension with my two little ones -and only when she was up on the couch or the bed and they invaded her space- she is doing wonderfully in our home. I feel so relieved that she is here with us instead of at the cold (okay, maybe not so cold, it is Summer time after all.. but still!) lonely shelter. We are having some awesome thunderstorms this evening and I think Miss Natalie is a tad bit frightened of the thunder, so she is currently hiding under our bed, and, according to Daddy, has been for the greater part of the evening. Poor girl.

She seems comfortable here and though she didn't come out to greet me the second I walked through the front door, like my boys do, she did come immediately when I called her. She was wagging her tail and acted happy to see me. I can tell she is a sweetheart with a gentle nature and I am sure she is going to make someone a great companion.

Natalie will be staying here with us for the next week and a half or so, getting spayed a week from today, and then she will be off to a great rescue in NJ. 

I am trying not to get attached - while still enjoying having her here and showing her affection. We'll see how the whole don't-get-attached thing goes. I know she will find a great home though!

Yay, Natalie!

Goodbye Fetlife

After removing most of the content on my Fetlife page, changing my screen name, deleting my friends list, and making most of the remaining pictures private, I thought I'd feel somewhat sad or even nostalgic. But I don't feel either of those things at all. I don't really miss reading the forums (I did remain a member of the Dogs Rule group, for the time being, since there are some pretty nifty dog-loving folks who post there and it may be awhile before I get around to saving the pics I want to save off of my profile).

It's almost a relief in some ways. I know it shouldn't be, but somehow so many of the Daddy/little girl group posts always ended up feeling like some sort of pissing contest. If it wasn't "my Daddy is freaking awesome because _ _ _ _ _" it was "this is what a Daddy or little girl is/should/have to be because _ _ _ _ _." 

I'm not going to lie and say I didn't partake in the "my Daddy rocks!" type conversations because, frankly, he does, and I truly enjoy talking about him and how awesome he is. To some that may seem like bragging, but to me, it just is. My Daddy is amazing and sometimes I want to do what that Rascal flats song talks about...

I'm gonna stand on a rooftop, climb up a mountaintop
Baby, scream and shout
I wanna sing it on the radio, show it on a video
Baby, leave no doubt
I want the whole world to know just what I'm all about
I love to love you out loud 

.........

.........

........

Baby, I want the whole world to see
Just how good your love looks on me 

And I am sure other people feel that way as well. It's fun to share stories of how awesome your significant other is and how amazing they make you feel. However, when it comes to a point that more than 80% of the threads started involve that particular theme... and then when the same questions are asked over and over and OVER again.. such as: 

• What does it mean to be a Daddy?
• What is your little's age?
• What does being little mean to you?
• My Daddy left me, what do I do?
• How do I tell my vanilla lover that I am a little girl and I want him to be my Daddy? 
• Why won't my Daddy act like a Daddy anymore?

And so on and so forth. . . it just gets.. repetitive. And rather boring. 

I don't mean this in a harsh way and I am honestly not trying to put others down. But plain and simple: rehashing the same subjects over and over again is bound to get old. And after awhile, that's what so many of the DD/lg groups on Fetlife felt like. At least for me. 

I enjoyed sharing my writings on Fetlife. My stories, poems, random blogs.. but I can do all of that here. I can even share pictures here if I want to. 

I thought I would find some kinky friends on Fetlife and though I found a few, none of the awesomely deep can-talk-about-anything-and-everything friendships seemed to ever form. Maybe it's just me. I don't mean that in a pity-party oh woe's me kind of way, it's just a fact of life for me. I've always had a hard time establishing close friendships. I have very few close friends - but I am okay with that. My best vanilla friend is awesome and I can tell her pretty much anything. I did make a couple of friends on Fetlife with whom I can see our friendships going further (in a friendship way - that sounded weird, but I really just mean that I think there is the potential there to form a closer friendship and get to know one another better and feel comfortable meeting and hanging out.) I would truly like to have a real in-person little girl friend. I can only imagine how awesome it would be to feel like I could share those parts of myself so freely and openly around someone who isn't Daddy. Someone who can relate to my little-girlyness who can relax and be comfortable being themselves around me - whether they feel big or little. 

Anyway.. I was going to elaborate more on this, but I'm tired. It's midnight and I am looking forward to being able to sleep in a little more than usual since Tuesday is my late day! So I am headed off to the land of dreams with my sweet Daddy, my 2 adorable fur baby boys, and our cute little foster-fur-girl =) Sweet dreams and G'night!

Who I am

It has taken me a long time to figure out exactly who I am, but I think I am finally almost there - especially over the past few years. I think that self-discovery and exploration are a big part of life. We are constantly evolving, changing, and learning more about ourselves. 

One thing that has changed for me are my views on religion. I'm not really sure what I used to believe. I don't know if I actually believed in god because I felt I was a Christian, or if I just believed in him because that is what everyone around me believed and I never really questioned it until I was 18 or so.

Even now, 6 years later, I am still not 100% sure what I believe. I suppose -if you want to stick a label on it- you could call me agnostic but I'm not even sure that adequately describes my views on god and religion as a whole.  

In the back of my mind, I wonder, is there a god? What if there is and then I don't get into Heaven because I questioned his existence? 

But then I remind myself that I feel better questioning things that I am unsure of, rather than just believing in something or someone because it is what many others around me believe. 

I have to find comfort in my own beliefs and if being a Christian and believing in god is something I am not entirely comfortable with - it's okay. I don't have to be a Christian or believe in god to be a good person. 

For awhile, I was afraid my views on Christianity were tainted by those who use "because that's the way god wants it to be" as a reason for everything. Or by those who protest gay marriage and abortions, not because it's their OWN belief that these things are bad -- but because they think god would be unhappy with them if they did accept these things. 

Kind of like the boy-scouts banning gay members and leaders. As a private organization, is it THEIR right to do so? I guess it is. But when "their rights" start imposing on the rights of others -in this instance, people who aren't heterosexual- then I find that to be a problem. When someone uses Christianity as an excuse to breed hate and discriminate against another human being for having a different sexual preference than them - I find that wrong. It shouldn't make me resentful of the Christian religion as a whole, but sometimes it does. When this happens, I try and remind myself that not every Christian is that way - but it can be hard to NOT let my views be tainted, nonetheless. 

Anyway.. I am who I am. I now feel confident in saying that I am not entirely sure WHAT I do believe, but that I don't know if god exists and that, right now, I can't identify with being a Christian. I am by no means the best person in the world, but I do care about others. I like helping others. I love animals. I'm crazy in love with my husband. My family and loved ones -including our fur children!- mean the world to me. 

I'm not interested in changing my views because someone insists that there is something else I should believe. I'm just interested in spending time with the people I love and finding joy in my every day life - which isn't hard to do at all! I am truly lucky.   

Is it just me..

...or does it seem like so many people -in the kink "world" and otherwise - get too caught up in labels and definitions?

I feel like some people aren't satisfied until they are sure that there is a concrete definition of something, or some label slapped onto it, whether those definitions or labels make any sense at all. Maybe it's a security thing. Are some people just not comfortable with what cannot truly be defined? I often think that some of the most beautiful parts of life and experiences are the things that hold no "true" definition. I'm sure everyone has things they only see black or white on, but where those who insist on having "one true" definition for everything see black or white, I see many, many shades of gray. I don't understand the need to define everything, to insist on having a reference point for everything I come across, whether I understand it or not. If I don't understand something, it's not my job to try to label it or define it and insist that everyone else adhere to whatever I happen to think it is. Maybe some things work like that, but often, they don't.

Even more annoying are those who insist that their definition or one specific definition period is the only definition and the right way. For many things, there is no "right" way. We make our own paths.. our own choices, which lead to our own mistakes, our own successes, our own failures, our own understanding of life, and hopefully, to a lot of learning and growing along the way. 

More annoying still, are those who don't even have a reason as to why they think their way or their beliefs are the only way, or the "right" way. "Because that's the way it is" is about as good an argument as saying, "because I said so!" (only Daddies are allowed to use that phrase.. everyone knows that! *wink*)

Anyway, this isn't a rant, rather just me pondering on things, which I often do. 

For me, writing things out is something that helps me understand things better. Writing frees something in me. There's something about watching the words flow across the screen and then re-reading them. Sometimes it's the best way to organize my thoughts. 

Today was my first day back at work at my home office location -YIPPIE!- and I had a fantastic day. It was nice that my coworkers really let me know that I was missed. It makes me feel appreciated in the work place, and I like that. I like knowing I am needed there and that they think I do a good job. As much as I look forward to the day where I can stay at home and be Daddy's cute little house wifey, I think I will miss things like that. Coworker relations and feeling like I have an important job. I'm not a manager, I don't have a degree, my job can be stressful, but I truly enjoy what I do and that has made all the difference in the world. I can remember days at the Sprint call center where I used to work that I would literally dread going in. The day hadn't even really started yet and I was already dreading it. I think it was then that I knew it was time for a change - a positive one - and I am lucky to have been hired by the company I work for now. It means a lot to feel like more than just another number, a stat, someone occupying space and doing the same thing (mostly) that everyone else does. It might not be the most exciting job and the world and I've met some rather unpleasant patients, but the great and interesting people I have met far outweigh those, and for that, I am thankful for the interactions I get to have with them. 


When Daddy finishes school and gets established in his career -he will either be working for a year, then going to grad school, or he may decide not to go back to school, or to wait even longer, but I am okay with whatever he wants to do, 100%- I think I am going to finally start working on a novel or a real short story - maybe one that someone, somewhere might consider publishing. I've grown more confident in my writing. I may even take some classes at a local college, hopefully some creative-writing and literature based ones. It wouldn't hurt to broaden my horizons. Though I loathed the school environment my last few years of high school, I have to wonder what it would be like now. I think I'd still prefer to take online classes! There's something about school that still makes me squeamish. Perhaps it's because I've had many, many, MANY happier experiences outside of school. I've certainly thrived more socially in the work force and I think I've seen my potential for things that I didn't even know I had potential in. I'm good at talking with and to people. I enjoy it. Though I still crave our cozy home environment, just Daddy, our fur-babies and I, and of course family and a friend or two at times - it's still nice knowing I have those qualities. 


Anyway, I think I've rambled enough tonight. I am so excited to finally have a blog I really feel like updating. Whether anyone reads it or not, I truly don't care. It's nice to have a journal(ish) place to write again! 


Sweet dreams and goodnight from Daddy's Baby Princess Sweetness!


Oh, and by the way, did I mention that I hurt my elbow tonight and Daddy kissed it -though he can't help but shake his head in amused exasperation, in that "you're so stinkin' cute" kind of way- because I am so darn clumsy! He is a wonderful Daddy. I love him so very, very much.. and I think I will convince him to climb in bed for cuddles right now. Goodnight!

 

What are little girls made of?

...Or, so goes the poem.

However...

I have realized that as much as I love the "sugar and spice" parts of being a little girl (well - they are parts of me anyway, I obviously can't speak for anyone else) I also get rather annoyed with those who assume that a little girl can't or wouldn't like the edgier and even somewhat darker things that BDSM and play have to offer.

Pretending to be innocent is one thing, but being innocent is another thing entirely. I enjoy being tied up and beaten -not just spanked, though spankings are nice, too- but literally being tied up and beaten until I am a sobbing, incoherent mess. I like it when Daddy is (seemingly) merciless, pushing me farther and farther - not in an attempt to break my spirit, but to heighten my senses, to allow me to go to that special place I drift to I become one with the pain.

I like coloring, holding onto my stuffed animals..

..feeling safe in Daddy's arms.

...but I also like being forced to watch bondage porn while the vibrating wand is strapped to my clit. I like feeling controlled and so out of control at the same time.

I love the power exchange Daddy and I share. Feeling like I can't -and don't have to- make big decisions gives me a sense of utter relief that I can't even begin to describe. While my input is valued and important to Daddy; it's nice to know he will always have the final say. I find so much peace in the fact that Daddy doesn't want me to have to stress out and worry over money and that to achieve that, he is the one who mainly controls it. I have long admitted to my impulsiveness -which Daddy happens to like- but can be a very not-so-good thing when it comes to our finances and big decision making in general.

I like knowing that I have rules, that -although thinking of my punishments afterwards can almost assuredly turn me on- they are not just for show, they are not just there to turn us on and be future wank material for me, not just something to talk about on Fetlife later. They have meaning, a purpose. They feel as real to me (in my eyes) as they would to any child being punished by her Daddy. I missed out on a lot of discipline growing up. I don't feel as if we're trying to play catchup or make up for the lack of discipline in my childhood - But I rather need that sort of structure now. It is, in many ways, a relief for me to know that Daddy cares enough to not just dismiss and disregard bad or negative behavior. And unlike those who only act out so they can get a spanking (I call that FUNishment) true punishments, for me, are an entirely different mindset. I want to be Daddy's good girl. I just need a little extra reminder now and again. And, I also enjoy being his playful, somewhat bratty little girl - Daddy teaches me where the line is and lets me know when I'm about to -or have- crossed it.

Having some rules, having that certain since of structure in no way makes me feel smothered or uptight. Mine and Daddy's relationship is the most freeing thing in the world for me. He's the only person who truly, truly "gets me". While his "Daddy-ness" is always intact, he's also my best friend.. ever. Ever, ever, ever. No one can make me laugh so hard or make me feel so relaxed. There's no one with whom I can joke and play around with so easily and affectionately. I adore the fact that I can always be myself around him and while he does keep me disciplined, he doesn't over-do it - if that makes sense. It does to me, so that's what matters.

I like that Daddy sees me as an intelligent, beautiful woman - but that he has no problem affectionately demeaning me; talking to me as if I truly am a child. Because he likes it and he knows I love it. If anything, this can make me regress and distress instantly. I like feeling chastened and little and repentant and I like knowing how much he loves and cares for me and that he has no problem making me feel that way, that it's something we both enjoy, something I truly desire and need. I like that he can put me in my place. In my place: in his arms, feeling safe and loved and well disciplined and happy- is my absolute favorite place to be. I can go from feeling like an assertive, grown woman to a little girl in .02 from merely a few words from him, from being in his arms, from a look. It must be a special Daddy power. Or just his special power. 

  

I like feeling dirty; calling him Daddy while we fuck, being pulled out of bed by my hair and dragged down to the basement for play, him gripping my throat and putting his hand over my mouth and pinching my nose shut as I cum. Being woken up from a nap with a spanking or a passionate kiss. There's something so primal and hot about feeling consumed by him, even in ways as simple as those. Rough sex mixed with sweetness, pain mixed with pleasure and love.. these things feel wonderful to me. If the pain is overwhelming my senses, the love is right there with it, and during these times I am so utterly in tune with my submissive feelings.

I want to make it clear that this entry has to do with ME only - I can't speak for other little girls, I can't (and would never) say one way is better than the other, but I do know which way WORKS for us. What makes us happy. What makes me feel alive and sated and incredibly, incredibly euphoric.

This post is a little scattered as my thoughts are all over the place this evening, but it feels good to write it out. To say that no matter who argues "what" and "who" a little girl should be, that I can say, "This is the way I am and to live any other way would be absurd." 

Because we can argue a difference of opinion, a difference in "definitions" or stupid labels all day long; but this is me. Right where I belong.