However...
I have realized that as much as I love the "sugar and spice" parts of being a little girl (well - they are parts of me anyway, I obviously can't speak for anyone else) I also get rather annoyed with those who assume that a little girl can't or wouldn't like the edgier and even somewhat darker things that BDSM and play have to offer.
Pretending to be innocent is one thing, but being innocent is another thing entirely. I enjoy being tied up and beaten -not just spanked, though spankings are nice, too- but literally being tied up and beaten until I am a sobbing, incoherent mess. I like it when Daddy is (seemingly) merciless, pushing me farther and farther - not in an attempt to break my spirit, but to heighten my senses, to allow me to go to that special place I drift to I become one with the pain.
I like coloring, holding onto my stuffed animals..
..feeling safe in Daddy's arms.
...but I also like being forced to watch bondage porn while the vibrating wand is strapped to my clit. I like feeling controlled and so out of control at the same time.
I love the power exchange Daddy and I share. Feeling like I can't -and don't have to- make big decisions gives me a sense of utter relief that I can't even begin to describe. While my input is valued and important to Daddy; it's nice to know he will always have the final say. I find so much peace in the fact that Daddy doesn't want me to have to stress out and worry over money and that to achieve that, he is the one who mainly controls it. I have long admitted to my impulsiveness -which Daddy happens to like- but can be a very not-so-good thing when it comes to our finances and big decision making in general.
I like knowing that I have rules, that -although thinking of my punishments afterwards can almost assuredly turn me on- they are not just for show, they are not just there to turn us on and be future wank material for me, not just something to talk about on Fetlife later. They have meaning, a purpose. They feel as real to me (in my eyes) as they would to any child being punished by her Daddy. I missed out on a lot of discipline growing up. I don't feel as if we're trying to play catchup or make up for the lack of discipline in my childhood - But I rather need that sort of structure now. It is, in many ways, a relief for me to know that Daddy cares enough to not just dismiss and disregard bad or negative behavior. And unlike those who only act out so they can get a spanking (I call that FUNishment) true punishments, for me, are an entirely different mindset. I want to be Daddy's good girl. I just need a little extra reminder now and again. And, I also enjoy being his playful, somewhat bratty little girl - Daddy teaches me where the line is and lets me know when I'm about to -or have- crossed it.
Having some rules, having that certain since of structure in no way makes me feel smothered or uptight. Mine and Daddy's relationship is the most freeing thing in the world for me. He's the only person who truly, truly "gets me". While his "Daddy-ness" is always intact, he's also my best friend.. ever. Ever, ever, ever. No one can make me laugh so hard or make me feel so relaxed. There's no one with whom I can joke and play around with so easily and affectionately. I adore the fact that I can always be myself around him and while he does keep me disciplined, he doesn't over-do it - if that makes sense. It does to me, so that's what matters.
I like that Daddy sees me as an intelligent, beautiful woman - but that he has no problem affectionately demeaning me; talking to me as if I truly am a child. Because he likes it and he knows I love it. If anything, this can make me regress and distress instantly. I like feeling chastened and little and repentant and I like knowing how much he loves and cares for me and that he has no problem making me feel that way, that it's something we both enjoy, something I truly desire and need. I like that he can put me in my place. In my place: in his arms, feeling safe and loved and well disciplined and happy- is my absolute favorite place to be. I can go from feeling like an assertive, grown woman to a little girl in .02 from merely a few words from him, from being in his arms, from a look. It must be a special Daddy power. Or just his special power.
I like feeling dirty; calling him Daddy while we fuck, being pulled out of bed by my hair and dragged down to the basement for play, him gripping my throat and putting his hand over my mouth and pinching my nose shut as I cum. Being woken up from a nap with a spanking or a passionate kiss. There's something so primal and hot about feeling consumed by him, even in ways as simple as those. Rough sex mixed with sweetness, pain mixed with pleasure and love.. these things feel wonderful to me. If the pain is overwhelming my senses, the love is right there with it, and during these times I am so utterly in tune with my submissive feelings.
I want to make it clear that this entry has to do with ME only - I can't speak for other little girls, I can't (and would never) say one way is better than the other, but I do know which way WORKS for us. What makes us happy. What makes me feel alive and sated and incredibly, incredibly euphoric.
This post is a little scattered as my thoughts are all over the place this evening, but it feels good to write it out. To say that no matter who argues "what" and "who" a little girl should be, that I can say, "This is the way I am and to live any other way would be absurd."
Because we can argue a difference of opinion, a difference in "definitions" or stupid labels all day long; but this is me. Right where I belong.
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